Smug owl outside thinks she is better than me. She has a face like an Ibo mask, and she keeps shifting her shoulders like Toshiro Mifune in Yojimbo. She is mocking me by hopping along faster than I can walk. She knows I wouldn’t last a day where it came from.

She just stood in front of a car (an owl playing chicken?) until it was less than a foot away from her, before she rocketed onto a tree branch and stared at me dismissively. I will never be half as tuff as that owl, and I have accepted that tonight.

Pikachu is a treacherous slaver.

(Source: shadowzone1996)

43,193 notes


the whole concept of flirting is just lost on me most of the time really. whenever someone is like “oh they were flirting with you” i’m just like. what. whenever someone is like “were you flirting with them?” i’m just like. what. whenever someone is like “oh you totally were flirting with them!” i’m just like. what. what is flirting. what is going on. what. i have no idea what’s going on. what

60,484 notes


what the fuck is this 

I’ve stumbled upon this DeviantArt before, and it only gets weirder.

(Source: verticalvest)

13,856 notes

Matthew McConaghay, “The Wolf of Wall Street”

4 notes

I had never heard of 900 numbers before today

I can’t believe I missed Freddie Freaker


U just don’t understand humor :-/

if i don’t understand humor, then explain this

what did he do

what would he say

why was he a freak

was this phone sex

i’m scared

1 note